Some people can run and exercise all the time, I cannot. I could as a kid and through about my mid 20's, but then my knees and hip declined to work... and 4 surgeries later, it has not changed for any better. I do suffer from my conversations pointing towards what I was when I could, and that has become depressing. Sadly, it has been dating which has been the catalyst to build this barrier. Everyone wants an active lifestyle, and when you physically cannot achieve that - it becomes a negative. So, I try to explain how 10 years ago, I could climb 3 14'ers a day, naked, in the cold, carrying a small goat on my back. Yet, it often fails because unless you've known me for 20+ years, one cannot garner that much understanding acceptance necessary to fill out that "perfect mate" checklist. I guess what I am saying is - it is extremely tough to have your personality and desires stunted by your body's ability to fulfill them. I honestly get sad watching basketball, tennis or soccer. I want to be out there on the field. It was my home. These plastic chairs in the peanut gallery just suck and do nothing to feed my competitiveness. I cannot even imagine what it would be like to be paralyzed... but my heart certainly goes out to those who are. Their struggle and the amount of strength it takes is akin to my friend who had the heart transplant a few years back.

Some people do drugs. I don't, never did, never will. However, I do miss the "high" I got from exercising so much.

Some people eat. That's me. I can remember eating massive amounts of food and losing weight because of my exercise regimen and multiple year round sports. I used to drink a slimfast after every meal, do the weight gainer 8 million and had a personal trainer work on me to build up my muscle. What is funny is when you look at my arms, they are strong, but tiny. I couldn't gain any weight at all with all of those ingredients trying to get me to bulk up. Now, because of my knees the most difficult thing to do is not eat the amounts of food I have been accustomed to since I was a fetus. Now, my beagle, Copper, if given a bag of food would eat - throw up - eat - throw up - eat ... until everything was gone. And because I have the measuring cups, that won't happen.

So, all of that mumbling and blabber above is to say, my New Year's Resolution is to hire a chef to make healthy, portioned meals and hire a "life" secretary to shock me if I stray beyond my boundaries. This seems funny but it is almost necessary because when I get into those "crazy musician" dark moods, food is there to blanket me... and sushi is just too expensive to have all the time. If I could, I'd be perfect!

So, final answer: "This year I will turn all of my excuses and self-inflicted emotional reactions of the reality of life... into motivators. I will find a way to quench my competitive physical thirst through safe channels. I will finish my new CD and start working on a Christmas CD for 2010. I will make it my duty to do those things that ought to have been done, but would not have been done unless I do it. I will make valiant strides ahead to be... a better man for myself." And if anyone can help me figure this all out... please, show me how!

Chad

Everything has been in place, I have my groceries, I have the destination, people are waiting for me at the destination, but I can't seem to get out of the damn store. And right when I finally see the light and am walking to my car, out of the blue a bus plows itself directly into it and demolishes my way home.

I know, this year has presented its challenges. And when things finally found solid ground, it all just slips away. So, I'm left with my personal backpack on the side of the road trying to figure out in which direction to start. So, the positives: Once again, I am starting my personal life all over, after 8 years. I know I have a choice: 1) Be sad and spend a lot of time proving how sad you are and waste precious, valuable time or 2) Move forward and get over life's hurdles as best as I can, not letting moments pass me by.

Well, I choose #2. I've never quit anything in my life that I so cherish, and I don't plan too. The music industry is a pain in the ass, it's not the mythological oasis that so many dream it to be... that can only be accomplished from within. And Love is all around. We live through love and want to share life with someone till the very end, where you'll then meet in the skies as a reputable team, in the hearts of all you touched. Passion, Love, Trust, Honesty... there is no other way to live. I believe.

So good riddance year 2006. You have kicked me when I was already down and ended it with a bus. But I will continue to stand up and move, as there is no other way. Year 2007, I welcome you, and I also look forward to you. We have a lot to accomplish, and I'll need your help in doing so. I pray for everyone peace and happiness. Have a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanakuh, Kwanza, Holiday. Let's make 2007 great, shall we!?

Cheers,

Chad

4 hours later of being on the floor, I decided that my back had gone out. That was my BFO for the day (Blinding Flash of the Obvious). Unfortunately, my dog wasn't making it any better as he kept jumping on me to get up and play. At first I tensed up but that only made things worse, so I succumbed to his energy and became a doggy trampoline. Soon, he realized I wasn't an emergent danger and his feeble attempts at 10lb doggy first aid became futile... and then he quickly became bored. So, he was kind and nestled up to me and fell asleep despite my best efforts to get him to help me to my bed.

So long about the 4th hour, I knew I had to be McGiver like. I looked around for a paper clip, duct tape, lead filament and searched for lint in my pocket to build a contraption that was able to lift me up and carry me to my bed. Decidedly, that didn't work. So I collected my strength and in very short strides used my feet to inch me through the living room into the hallway and into my bedroom. I was exhilarated, I made a 45 foot journey in about 15 minutes! I was tired, in pain and sweating my accomplishment as seen on my own drag marks across the floor.

I knew my journey wasn't over and I had to pull all the Jedi strength I could muster for my next task. I looked up towards the ultimate climb onto my bed. The likes of which have brought many bacteria to their peril during such the dreaded climb. So, focus... I did.

There was nothing to help, no way to wiggle myself up to bed. [Note to self: install pulley system or human canon in case of bad back]. So, I spent the next moments motivating myself with such rational, logical thought... "be a man, just get up and lay down (followed by 'intense' verbiage)... come on! DO IT, GET UP AND LAY DOWN!" But then came another fascinating option... call someone! So I did. I called a friend and asked her to leave work so she could come and help me to lay down in bed... yah, that would work... it's so perfect... everything should revolve around me in PAIN RIGHT! Safe to say, no. So, back to my original "man idea" of cursing myself into a motivated green hulk to get up.

So, like a moron, I did. I let out yelps and screams likely to still be traveling around the world. I also invented new words that better explicitly relayed the message of how I actually felt. And once I was indeed in bed, the pain had multiplied and I was smack dab in the middle of the folded up covers making me more uncomfortable then ever. So I grunted and gnarled the covers out of the way, put the pillows within reach and plopped myself on my side of the bed as my heart started to race and my sweat began to pour again. And as my body was in near shock because of the pain, I realized that the floor gave me much better support. Grr!

So what is the moral of the story you might ask? When throwing out your back, stay put and rest. Wait for loved ones to come home and help you find your cave so you can nurse yourself back to life... Loved ones have access to the medicine bundle which help alleviate the sharpness of the pain and allow the transition to health to be a much more pleasant ride.

In short, when your in pain, you become a dumbass. Don't be a dumbass!