Two Lights
"Tear out my heart, feed it to lions... for this one wish I beg you this tonight. Show me no mercy, spare me my pride, I'm going for a drive..." -Five For Fighting [Song: "Two Lights"]
It's been way too long for me to dig through my layers into my core vulnerabilities. It's too often we forget just how human we are. Life isn't always what we expect it to be. It's those mistakes that stay with us forever which also convince us that there is no way to not regret aspects of your life. I wade through the realities we create for ourselves -- how it is the everyday living and the mundane aspects we encounter that so easily provide us the security we long for... but when we achieve it, we so often become numb. We go through motions and slowly become robots to our own reality - sometimes we become jaded, sometimes we look to the heavens for answers, sometimes we go for a drive.
Sometimes we listen. Sometimes we run. I pray.
The songs I have quoted are from Five For Fighting (obviously)... and that really was the soundtrack for this Nashville trip. What a trip it was. I have been so wrapped up in work, averaging 100+hours a week for the last two months that I was burnt out. I had an 18 hour drive to let my mind fly wherever it wanted/needed to go. I had a week in the city that started it all. I met up with a dear friend that was my impetus to play piano and write music forever. Then, I had another 18 hour trip to reflect, rewind, and just think. It was good - there were no deadlines, no fires to put out... just time and raw emotion.
Time gives me clarity. Time reminds me, when faced with it, to live for now... to feel, to strive, to love... to pray. I wonder what life will be like in three years? What truths will I learn about myself... about others? What will my reality mirror my perception of it? I don't know, but it's a riddle I look forward to finding the answer to.
"I'm almost home, the sun's to rise. I've got to know I've been drivin' all the night. There's our corner up ahead, I'm alive and I am dead. I drive right through the stop sign, I turn my head as I lift my eyes... my eyes burn." -FFF
I'm truly blessed with my life. A past with regrets has led me to not make mistakes I feel I made, ever again. It has afforded me solace that I have become a better man, a better musician, and given me the tools to embrace fate, destiny, and any divine intervention. Life has a way of fulfilling you with a twist of circularity... a way to dive into the depths of your soul. And I can do nothing but embrace all that is ahead of me and take any twists life may throw, and to be thankful for every second.
"She's lost in my arms, her head on my heart - and softly she whispers the words... I Just Love You - I don't know why, I just do... when are you coming home, I'm coming home soon - and I just love you too." -FFF [Song: I Just Love You]
Chad
Author: Chad Beall
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