Oh my oh my... so I was at home resting from a very stressful concert in New Mexico - and as I reached down to pick up a toy for my dog, I felt my right shoulder muscle all the way down to the middle of my back squeeze so tight that I hit the floor in seething pain. I thought to myself "ok, this will go away, just rest and you'll be fine." As it turned out, not so much.
4 hours later of being on the floor, I decided that my back had gone out. That was my BFO for the day (Blinding Flash of the Obvious). Unfortunately, my dog wasn't making it any better as he kept jumping on me to get up and play. At first I tensed up but that only made things worse, so I succumbed to his energy and became a doggy trampoline. Soon, he realized I wasn't an emergent danger and his feeble attempts at 10lb doggy first aid became futile... and then he quickly became bored. So, he was kind and nestled up to me and fell asleep despite my best efforts to get him to help me to my bed.
So long about the 4th hour, I knew I had to be McGiver like. I looked around for a paper clip, duct tape, lead filament and searched for lint in my pocket to build a contraption that was able to lift me up and carry me to my bed. Decidedly, that didn't work. So I collected my strength and in very short strides used my feet to inch me through the living room into the hallway and into my bedroom. I was exhilarated, I made a 45 foot journey in about 15 minutes! I was tired, in pain and sweating my accomplishment as seen on my own drag marks across the floor.
I knew my journey wasn't over and I had to pull all the Jedi strength I could muster for my next task. I looked up towards the ultimate climb onto my bed. The likes of which have brought many bacteria to their peril during such the dreaded climb. So, focus... I did.
There was nothing to help, no way to wiggle myself up to bed. [Note to self: install pulley system or human canon in case of bad back]. So, I spent the next moments motivating myself with such rational, logical thought... "be a man, just get up and lay down (followed by 'intense' verbiage)... come on! DO IT, GET UP AND LAY DOWN!" But then came another fascinating option... call someone! So I did. I called a friend and asked her to leave work so she could come and help me to lay down in bed... yah, that would work... it's so perfect... everything should revolve around me in PAIN RIGHT! Safe to say, no. So, back to my original "man idea" of cursing myself into a motivated green hulk to get up.
So, like a moron, I did. I let out yelps and screams likely to still be traveling around the world. I also invented new words that better explicitly relayed the message of how I actually felt. And once I was indeed in bed, the pain had multiplied and I was smack dab in the middle of the folded up covers making me more uncomfortable then ever. So I grunted and gnarled the covers out of the way, put the pillows within reach and plopped myself on my side of the bed as my heart started to race and my sweat began to pour again. And as my body was in near shock because of the pain, I realized that the floor gave me much better support. Grr!
So what is the moral of the story you might ask? When throwing out your back, stay put and rest. Wait for loved ones to come home and help you find your cave so you can nurse yourself back to life... Loved ones have access to the medicine bundle which help alleviate the sharpness of the pain and allow the transition to health to be a much more pleasant ride.
In short, when your in pain, you become a dumbass. Don't be a dumbass!
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Author: Chad Beall
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