Winter time in Colorado has afforded me, especially 2006-2007, an opportunity to reflect upon my life, my career, and my aspirations. In my last entry, I said good riddance to 2006 for all of the bad that it was. It was a year, however, that has changed my life enormously. This time last year, I found out that my long time promoter killed herself. With her went a concert she was setting up for me in Canada since that is where my music is playing the most. Her death also took my contacts, networking and label opportunities with it. Her company dissolved, and with it, so did my files. But, I forged ahead with our original plan to find a vocalist, which I did, and solicit an executive who works closely with the top selling pianists out there right now. As luck would have it, the vocalist quit before anything begun, and the opportunity went stagnant... more on that later. Then in the midst of all the drama, tons of little things that separately don't mean much, but together create massive emotional drain, brought me to an emotional state where I for once, needed a rock. Then, to cap everything off, my needed rock quit her vows that she made to me. So all of these people around me are quitting life, quitting dreams, and quitting oaths... and here I am amazed at how so many people convince themselves that their actions weren't ones they made, but that people made for them. When the fact is, when the road got tough and there was work that needed to be done, they plain and simply, quit... without any doubt.
I had a conversation with a good friend today. I was explaining to him that I miss the benalities of life. He wondered why? My explanation was short and simple, and in fact, semantic. When we don't create the drama's to make up for our insecurities, and instead, live them... then we, as people, deal with each other more honestly. We talk about real issues and real emotions. We don't laden them with assumptions and projections. We deal with each other on an equal level without manipulating one another to satisfy our convictions. It's not comfort I speak of, it's confidence. Without manipulations, assumptions and projectional insecurities, I feel we understand one another better and indeed find that inexplicable feeling of kinship and intimacy that is lost when we victimize ourselves unabashedly.
Where am I going with this? Well, as relationships intertwine with the motions of life, so are woven the connections to our dreams and passions. Last year has taken me to a place where I currently have no real home. What I do have are the best friends anyone could ask for, the ones where I'd give my life to without hesitation. I also have the most supportive fans and students any musician/teacher could ever ask for. Because of this, I have decided to cast away the looming shadows and rain cloud that has been following my Dedications album. It was never, officially, released as my distributor didn't get the final product in alignment to my promoter's original projections and marketing timelines. It also rebranded itself from me as a soloist, to me and a vocalist as a band, to me as a soloist again. This product certainly paralleled the messy road that paved its way from 2002 to 2006. Thus, a change.
Dedications will re-brand itself back to just me and stay. I am going back to the studio to record the second album. The new CD will be titled "The Space In Between." Both albums will go to my distributor and executive contact mentioned above. I will stay solo and collaborate, no more plans to form a small duo or band.
In conclusion: Life, keep it coming, keep on testing me; but, whatever you do... for the love of all that is holy... do not quit on me.
Chad
Author: Chad Beall
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